IELTS Writing task 2 | Childhood obesity

The modern diet has changed dramatically over the last few decades. As a result, many countries are now experiencing an explosion in childhood obesity. In my opinion, the main causes of this worrying trend are poor dietary habits and a sedentary lifestyle which can lead to some serious future health problems.

Many parents now rely on convenience foods to give their children as they are too busy to cook. In addition, children consume far too much junk food such as McDonald’s and sweet drinks like Coca-Cola. These foods are often high in fat and sugar and if consumed in excess children will gain weight. Also, as hobbies have changed over the years children now get far less exercise as most of their time is spent indoors playing on a computer or games console, so they do not burn off the excess calories that they consume.

Obesity in children can have some serious implications for their future health. The extra weight that obese children carry can lead to joint problems as their bodies struggle to cope with the weight. Many children also have low self-esteem and resort to eating even more food which becomes a vicious circle. Moreover, being obese can lead to more serious problems such as diabetes or heart disease in adulthood.

There are a number of possible solutions that could address this current trend. Firstly, parents should take more responsibility for their children’s diet and introduce more healthy foods and limit the consumption of junk food. Schools could also play a vital role by reintroducing cookery classes and educate children about the benefits of a healthy diet. Another important factor is to increase the amount of exercise children do. Parents should encourage children to do more exercise and schools could increase the number of P.E. classes.

In conclusion, I believe a poor diet and lack of exercise are the major contributing factors to childhood obesity. However, if some of the measures offered above were undertaken this disturbing trend could be eradicated.

(334 words)

Essay analysis

The first two sentences in the introduction give a little background on the topic while the last sentence clearly tells the reader what will be discussed in the essay.

All ideas have been extended in the body paragraphs with all ideas on topic. Specific examples have been given clearly in each paragraph for the causes, effects and solutions. Students can sometimes mix paragraphing up in this type of essay giving the effects and solutions in one paragraph.

A good range of transitions has been used – As a result/In addition/Also/Moreover/Another important factor. It is important not to overuse transitions as it makes the essay read very unnatural and will lower the band score for cohesion.

A good range of topic specific vocabulary has been used and grammar and punctuation have been used accurately throughout the essay.