This model answer about happiness is very strong at band 8.0. Read on below to find out why this answer doesn’t quite get top marks!
Happiness is considered very important in life
Why is it difficult to define?
What factors are important in achieving happiness?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Happiness is one of the most important things in life, and yet it is almost impossible to define due to the fact that it is completely subjective, and unique to individuals. However, in order to achieve happiness, there are some broad factors that most people require, and these are based around the fulfilment of human needs. This essay will explain the difficulty in defining happiness and explore some of the broad aspects which can contribute to achieving it.
Defining happiness is deeply problematic due to its individual nature. One approach used by many economists has been to approximate happiness to the standard of living, which is defined by material wealth.
However wealth and happiness are not the same thing: for certain individuals greater wealth will indeed result in increased happiness but for many people other issues are more important. One definition that has been applied is based around a person’s perceived quality of living, which accounts for personal differences, and accepts that there is not a single definition of happiness.
An individual’s quality of living is affected by a range of important factors. Socially, friends, family, and a spouse are all essential for someone to feel a sense of belonging and to feel loved. People also need to be given status and esteem, which may be obtained through material wealth, an important job, or power and responsibility. Finally, people need to feel that they are constantly improving themselves and progressing with their life in a meaningful way. At some level, most people must meet each of these needs to some extent in order to feel happy.
In conclusion, happiness is impossible to define due to its subjective nature, although the standard of living is definitely a less satisfactory definition than quality of living. It is also determined by a mixture of factors, with the priority given to each of these depending on the individual. Of these factors, the main ones required by most people are meeting their social needs, achieving an acceptable level of social status, and feeling that their lives are constantly improving.
Coherence
The coherence here is very strong. The use of connecting and linking words (cohesive devices) is effortless and shows good variety, including the use of comment adverbs (e.g. Socially, / Finally,). There are no mistakes with referencing or substitution, and the writer’s meaning is always clear.
There is, however, one issue with paragraphing which prevents this essay from scoring a band 9. The short paragraph on defining happiness and the following paragraph about wealth, happiness and quality of life is a development of the topic in the previous paragraph (‘Defining happiness’), and it should not be separated. This small slip prevents the essay from meeting the requirement to ‘skilfully manages paragraphing’ laid out in band 9.
Band 8
- Sequences information and ideas logically
- Manages all aspects of cohesion well
- Uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately
Task Response
Both parts of the question have been addressed fully and the writers position is clear, fully developed and extended, and has relevant, detailed supporting ideas. Nothing more could reasonably be expected to answer this question by a non-expert in the time limits and conditions of the test.
Band 9
- Fully addresses all parts of the task.
- Presents a fully developed position in answer to the question with relevant, fully extended and well supported ideas.
Lexis
There are some very minor slips that prevent this answer from scoring top marks for lexical resource. The writer has used a wide range of vocabulary with flexibility and precision. There are no errors in spelling.
The writer misses a band 9 because there are very small slips with word form and collocation. The writer has collocated the words ‘deeply problematic’. This is a slightly unusual collocation, and ‘highly problematic’ would sound more natural. The writer also refers to ‘quality of living’ rather than ‘quality of life’, which is a word form slip, probably caused by confusion with the concept of ‘standard of living’.
Band 8
- Uses a wide range of vocabulary flexibly and fluently to convey precise meanings
- Skilfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice or collocation
- Produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation
Grammar
The grammar here is very strong, and there are no obvious mistakes. There is a wide range of very complex grammar and the majority of sentences are error-free.
The issue that prevents this answer from scoring band 9 for grammar is a slightly noticeable slip in punctuation with one sentence in the body paragraph on wealth and happiness missing commas (,) in appropriate places. This sentence should read:
“However, wealth and happiness are not the same thing: for certain individuals, greater wealth will indeed result in increased happiness, but for many people, other issues are more important.
As several commas are missing which one would expect a native speaker to include, this makes these rare minor errors slightly more than the native-level slips allowed in band 9.
Band 8
- Uses a wide range of structures
- The majority of sentences are error-free
- Makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies.
That brings an end to this essay rating. If you are preparing for your IELTS test and want to find out a bit more about task 2, check out our post giving five tips to improve your IELTS writing task 2! Our candidate would have scored 8 for coherence, lexis and grammar with a 9 for task achievement, giving an overall score of 8.0. The band 9.0 version of this answer which fixes the small errors in the essay can be found on the IELTS writing task 2 essay question in the question bank.
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