This analysis looks at an IELTS writing task 2 band 7 essay discussing international sports events. Read on to find out what makes a band 7 task 2 essay!
International sporting events are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
You should write at least 250 words.
In the (article) times of visceral hatred and occurrences of terrorist attacks, sporting events like (article) Olympics and World Cup could play a vital role to instil the sense of peace and harmony amongst many nations. While it is (article) excellent idea for building good relationships among countries and increasing (article) sense of brotherhood in patriots, history has also some occasions of dark days triggered by this (referencing) international sporting events.
To begin with, (article) world seems to stop to watch World Cup (plural), for example, cricket, (conjunction) football (FIFA). This clearly shows the utmost importance of these matches and even countries having internal disputes also participate in order to prove them (wrong word/referencing error) best globally. Because of this, people of the respective nations tend to come closer, (sentence control) to take an (wrong article) example of India and Pakistan, players can be seen to exhibit great humanity and ethics during play (So… explain the importance of this in international relationships). Thus, these types of international sporting events contribute (explain how) to a great level to combat tensions.
Another aspect in this argument is admirers (word choice) travel to distinct places to cheer up (wrong word) their national team. In this scenario, it offers an opportunity (to do what?) for supporters, especially of the winning team, and it becomes a moment of proud (word form) as gaining international recognisation (spelling) across the globe. Therefore, people can be patriots in (article) true sense. Nevertheless, history has observed some occassions (spelling) of bloodsheds (uncountable) and disruption (word choice) of government properties by the same in case of failures. To cite an example, there had been (tense) cases of personal physical abuses and demolishing (unusual word choice) of public properties in the place (which place in India?) in India.
To sum up, it can be inferred from (article) above arguments the sports matches and international sports competitions can be essential in bringing together and developing brotherhoodness (spelling) among people and nations as well, but it must be organised by considering this risk factor involved in them.
Task Achievement
All parts of the topic are clearly answered, including a clear statement that these events are essential, as well as the points of easing of international tensions, releasing of patriotic emotions and safety.
A few ideas could be more fully extended, which limits the task achievement to band 7, as these points prevent the answer from meeting the band 8 requirement of a ‘well-developed’ response. This could be fixed with a few more sentences to completely develop and extend the main ideas.
Band 7
- Addresses all parts of the task
- Presents a clear position throughout the response
- Presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
Coherence and cohesion
There are some great examples of coherence here. The writer uses cohesive devices well and there is clear progression.
There are a few points which are a little unclear (e.g. demolishing of public properties in the place – which place?) and a missing conjunction (these are and/or/but/so etc.) – giving underuse of transitions.
There are a couple of very minor referencing errors (using ‘this’ when the writer should use ‘these’ / ‘them’ vs ‘themselves’). Despite these errors, referencing is clear and appropriate, which prevents the essay from being pushed down to band 6 as it is clear what the intended meaning is (see the band 6 descriptor ‘may not always use referencing clearly / appropriately’).
Band 7
- Logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout
- Uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
- Presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
Lexical Resource
precision in the way vocabulary is used, and there is definitely an awareness of style and collocation. Here are a few examples of good vocabulary:
- A vital role
- A sense of peace and harmony
- Sense of brotherhood
- Utmost importance
- Combat tensions
- Disruption
Word choices are appropriate and contribute to a good, formal academic writing style. Some word choices are a bit awkward or unusual for the essay.
- Visceral hatred – good vocabulary, but a bit strange in this essay
- Some occasions of dark days – this sounds a bit strange and affects the style
- Demolishing public properties (sounds a bit strange – vandalising is better)
There are a few mistakes with word form, word choice and spelling. There aren’t many word choice errors, meeting the band 7 descriptor ‘may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation’. The intended meaning is always clear.
Some examples are listed below:
- Internal disputes (word choice error – the writer clearly meant to say disputes between countries – international disputes)
- Cheer up their team = the team is sad and could be happier… ? (Cheer on their team)
- A moment of proud as gaining… (word form error – proud = adjective, pride = noun)
- Recognisation (spelling error/invented word – recognition)
- Occassions (spelling error – occasions)
- Brotherhoodness (spelling error/invented word – brotherhood)
One other important point to think about in this task is the lack of adverbs to describe the data. This is not ‘raw data’ (exact figures) as you would find in a table. So, the writer could have used words like ‘approximately’ ‘almost’ or ‘just above/below’ to make the information more accurate.
Band 7
- Uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
- Uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
- May produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
Grammar
There is a great range of grammar, with good complexity. Mistakes do not reduce meaning and overall, there is some good grammatical control. There are ‘frequent error-free sentences’, but the writer is at risk of going down a band score for grammar because just a few more errors would push this down a band score. Most of the errors occur in the introduction and first body paragraph (word forms are considered lexical errors), which justifies ‘frequent error-free sentences.
Among the errors here, the most obvious are with articles (a/an/the) – they are not always used appropriately (missing in most cases, not required in one case).
Band 7
- Uses a variety of complex structures
- Produces frequent error-free sentences
- Has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
So, that finishes this analysis of IELTS writing task 2 band 7 essay discussing international sports events. Although this essay is quite close to the line, if the writer can clear up some of the grammar mistakes, fix the minor coherence issues and make sure they develop their ideas fully, they should feel quite pleased with their score!
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1 thought on “IELTS Writing task 2 band 7 | International sports events”
Detailed analysis gives us to understand ,how to achieve band 7. What examiners actually look for and in each criteria what we should be doing.