This IELTS Writing task 2 would score band 6.5 in a test. It is about countries becoming more similar due to people buying similar products. Read on to find out why it would score this and think about what the writer could do to improve their score!
Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
You should write at least 250 words.
There are similarities among countries nowadays as individuals can shop for the same products anywhere in the world. I believe this development is a positive rather than a negative one.
Having similar products sold in different parts of the world improves relationship and acceptance globally as there has to be an alliance between both countries for a contract to be signed. This also promotes unity as countries who are business partners are least likely to go to war. Products that are sold in different parts of world, makes it easier for customers to patronize as people can always get their favorite products even if they are on tour in another country. This increases loyal customers and the income generated from these products.
Furthermore, availability of similar products in different countries can provide experiences that would not have been possible if the goods were not imported or a franchise was not available. For example, scorpion is rarely a food anywhere else but in China. This means that for those that would love to have that experience, they would have to go to China or visit a Chinese restaurant in their country. This encourages tourism which builds relationships, understanding and improves tolerance among people from different nationalities. Another example is personal computers which is used widely for different purposes ranging from formal purposes such as businesses and educational to informal reasons such as entertainment.
In conclusion, according to the reasons of establishment of strong allies, improvement in global marketing and encouragement of tourism, I believe that the ability of people to buy goods from anywhere in the world as countries are becoming more similar is a positive development.
Task Achievement
The introduction and conclusion clearly answer the question, but the supporting ideas need to be more focused.
The question here asks whether countries becoming more similar due to people being able to buy similar products is positive or negative. The supporting examples talk around this topic, but don’t directly deal with it, especially in the second body paragraph, which seems to be more about tourism than the sale of goods.
It’s not entirely clear why going to China or visiting a Chinese restaurant are really relevant to the question.
There is also an idea given (computers) which is not sufficiently developed or explained and reduces the clarity of the answer in body paragraph two.
Band 6
- addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others
- presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
- presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
Coherence
There are plenty of good examples of cohesive devices in this essay, with strong referencing.
The essay is not repetitive and clearly progresses, and demonstrates many features that would be expected of an essay that would score band 7 or higher, but there is a serious paragraphing error.
Unfortunately, in the second body paragraph, the topic very suddenly changes from food and tourism to computers. The idea of computers doesn’t really seem to fit in this paragraph and is a bit confusing, which means that paragraphing is a little unusual.
Band 6
- arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
- uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
- may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
- uses paragraphing, but not always logically
Lexical resource
There is a great variety of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision.
There are some good collocations and less common items (examples include: shop for products; relationship and acceptance; promotes unity; go to war; loyal customers; income generated; import goods; franchise; build relationships; improve tolerance; different nationalities; global marketing).
There are a couple of unusual word choices (formal purposes / informal purposes; This increases loyal customers vs customer loyalty OR the number of loyal customers) and a few minor word choice/form errors (least likely vs less likely; educational vs education).
The overall choice of lexis doesn’t quite meet the requirements for a higher band score, but the accuracy barring a few very minor errors is good. If the writer can improve the style and demonstrate vocabulary which is more specific to the main topic (i.e. globalisation, international trade etc.) and flexible, they could do very well.
Band 7
- uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
- uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
- may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
Grammatical range and accuracy
As with lexis, this is close to a higher band score. There are a few too many errors here, and if these can be cleaned up, the writer could do very well.
There are a few missing plurals (the world improves relationship… vs relationships; scorpion vs scorpions).
One missing article error (the availability of similar products…).
Two subject-verb agreement errors (is personal computers which is used vs which are; products sold in… makes it easier vs make it easier – the comma also needs removing in this sentence).
This sentence needs an ‘and’ added to it to make the grammar work around the original use of ‘and’:
- This encourages tourism which builds relationships, understanding and improves tolerance among people from different nationalities;
- This encourages tourism which builds relationships and understanding and improves tolerance among people from different nationalities.
Band 7
- uses a variety of complex structures
- produces frequent error-free sentences
- has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
That brings an end to this essay rating. If you are preparing for your IELTS test and want to find out a bit more about task 2, check out our post giving five tips to improve your IELTS writing task 2! What ideas could you use in the body to improve the task achievement in this essay? Have your say, and comment in the section below! Click here for the full public IELTS task 2 writing descriptors.
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